Hoping for the ‘I am…’

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To Stay, To Go…

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I think its a mid life crisis… Fortunately my husband and I are on the same age, on the same path and going through it together! ¬†ūüôā

At 41, it is time. ¬†Time to plan it seems, feeling like my life is 1/2 over and that I should hurry up and get to the better 1/2 of living it! ¬†Soooooo, that entails many questions, discussions, and some serious purging needs done. ¬†Don’t you think?

Step 1… ¬†Pause, rest, and re-evaluate.

Pause = images (8)

Rest = images (8) (even had to call in sick to work because I was sick to my stomach thinking about all this!)

Re-evaluate = in progress

In my life, I am absolute about somethings, but totally lack the confidence in proceeding forward with them! ¬†Wierd I know…

  • I WANT to create my own destiny
  • I WANT to work/collaborate with other like minded people
  • I WANT to create a future that my kids will be proud of
  • I WANT to make a home for my family that is calm, safe and welcoming (this has not happened in a long time for many different reasons)

But what does all that look like? ¬†Before when I had the gallery, I had my ‘be all to end all’. ¬†It was perfect, small, local, essential, and totally me! ¬†Various reasons for closing, mostly all due to family.

Fast forward 3 years later… ¬†How do I get back? ¬†Get back to that feeling? ¬†Is it the same thing? ¬†It can’t be, history can’t repeat itself effectively.

I loved the gallery, and helping make people feel good about sharing their wares.

I loved helping the community open their eyes to the art of handmade and the good energies that come with such things.

But what to do different this time?

Step 2:  Read!

Read these for sure!

  1. The Rise of the Creative Class
  2. Who’s your City?
  3. The Great Reset
  4. Creative Industries

Financially will it work? ¬†Do I have the energy to put myself ‘out there’ again?

  • I NEED¬†it.
  • I NEED¬†creative goodness in my life.
  • I NEED¬†to connect with others.
  • I NEED to create a wonderfully satisfying gig.

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Step 3:  Help????

Good. Honest. Fair.

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Happy New Year to 2013.  Out with the old, in with the new.

Right?

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All day, I mean ALL day, I have not been able to shake this eerie feeling that I am on the tip top of ‘something’ like my own personal tipping point of such. ¬†The cliff, 2012, teetering on the edge of status blah¬†vs. my ‘own’ path.

What does it mean to try and find one’s own path? ¬†Is it business? Is it personal? Is it traditional? Is it exotic? Is it easy? (Seriously? Probably not…) Is it achievable?

I want 2013 to be THE year.  The year I do things right, take care of myself, my family, get traditions and habits back on track, pursue good relationships with those in my life.  The year I search for myself and transform her back into me!  The me I know I can be.

I want to be Good. Honest. Fair. in all things that I do.

2013 is an odd number, but it is the right number.  Because EVERY number in my life right now is odd.

My husband and I were both born in 1971, so we are both 41!

My kids are 13, 9 and 3!

My dad died 1 year ago.

I have exactly 3 ‘really’ close friends.

I have 1 dog.

I have 1 job.

I have 3 volunteer jobs.

I am in debt by a LARGE odd number (not allowed to be printed)

I weigh a very LARGE odd number!

Seriously I can keep going…

I love DIY projects (see 3 letters)

I love TED!

Ode was my favorite magazine, changed its name to The Intelligent Optimist.  (3 letters to 3 words!)

Anna Maria Horner is my favorite designer extraordinare! ¬†ūüôā

Okay enough…

This is the year.

This is the commitment..

I will go on a hunt for myself, and in the end I will be a better me!

Stay tuned!

She’s a life saver and a hard coach…

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From my own personal life coach/friend… ¬†ūüôā
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Hey lady love.
Here is your assignment for the next week.
Whenever a “fear-doubt-worry-ego-sabotage-gremlin-like-voice” surfaces I want you to stare that baby down. Just be aware of it. Observe it. No judging it, no emotion feeding it. Just notice it. Think “Hmm. There’s that ego again. Silly¬†thang!” Detach from the charge and seduction of listening to the ego and letting it drag you into its shadows. I promise it will go from shouting to whispering to silence. Start where you are.
Mirror work: Once in morning when you get up, and when you brush your teeth before bed. Look into your eyes and say “I love you.” It’ll feel dorky at first, but keep with it.¬†20 seconds. Simple yet powerful.
Gratitude: Twice a day – step outside. Take a big ol’ breath. Imagine your legs growing roots and connecting with the core of the earth. Take another big breath. Repeat this mantra – “All of my needs are met.” Really strike the feeling tone of gratitude by reflecting on the days grace. Feel that ALL of your needs are met. A minute or two each day is enough.
End of the week extra credit:¬†Write in present tense what your perfect work day looks like. It’s so much fun you find you are writing what you do sun up to sun down. Self employment feels like that! The bonus here is that by feeling the excitement about your perfect work day you attract it. You are a magnet, remember that. What you focus forms.
I am going to call you on Saturday the 8th to discuss how the week went.
I’m really excited for you. It’s my promise to you that if you do these things, you will begin to notice a shift in how you are feeling and how you are moving through the world. You will feel lighter, have more clarity and feel the seedlings stirring of the vision you have for your life.
The time is now, my fellow steward of goodness.
The people need your gifts to be shared.
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How does one digest this?

What gifts does she see in me that need to be shared with others?

Self-doubt? ¬†(It’s my middle name)